im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
