hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
