he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
