Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
