You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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