This house was built for laser tag.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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