Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
