FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
People in love make me want to vomit
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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