dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
