Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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