I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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