I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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