Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
