the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
