Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
