Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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