you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
