He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
