Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
