There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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