Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
