Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All the doctor said was why
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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