I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
