Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
