It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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