Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
