just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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