I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
