I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
