does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
