I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
