and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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