If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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