I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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