I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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