I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
