I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
