Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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