I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Bring me that man meat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
