i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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