I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
