Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
