we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
