Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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