I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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