forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
