Pants 0. Shit 1.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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