I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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