I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
