i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
